Another night.

May 24, 2013

Fri, 24 May 2013 18:16:46 -0700

You ever feel like your brain can’t hold anymore information? That what you’re reading or studying is really going in one ear and out the other? That’s how I feel. That I spent all day taking in this stupid textbook for finals and I don’t even know what I’ve read. It’s a constant tug and war in my head.

May 23, 2013

Thu, 23 May 2013 17:46:07 -0700

Whenever I feel like one part of my life is falling into place, another one is falling apart. I can never shake the feeling, because I know it all too well to become true.

May 22, 2013

Wed, 22 May 2013 18:54:19 -0700

I went back to December and reread some of the things I wrote about you. I can see how much has changed between us since then. How you’re trying more and i’m trying a little less. I think we’re finally even on where we both stand and know what the other really wants, so it works out in a great way.

May 21, 2013

Tue, 21 May 2013 22:30:16 -0700

I think i’m starting to rationalize my feelings for you. How easy it’d be to drop my life here and start one with you there. I should always put myself first, but somehow when it comes to you, I find myself failing at such a tiny thing like that.

May 20, 2013

Mon, 20 May 2013 17:56:06 -0700

I’m tired and everything just seems to be smashing itself together.

May 19, 2013

Sun, 19 May 2013 17:50:02 -0700

I don’t have much to say about today. Just that i’m pretty sure I’ve consumed over my limit, my marathon training has taken a backseat because of finals and i’m beginning to want to throw myself out of my bedroom window. Pretty much a whirl wind of emotions today.

May 18, 2013

Sat, 18 May 2013 17:24:58 -0700

I had a good day today, the first in awhile. I’m feeling unstuck and i’m hoping it’ll last.

May 17, 2013

Fri, 17 May 2013 16:25:32 -0700

I feel like I can’t find my footing today. It’s kind of like a sense of sadness has washed over me that I can’t pin on why it’s bothering me so much. I’m content with what i’m doing, where I am at, but then this feeling is weighing me down. I’ll find out what it is soon enough.

May 16, 2013

Thu, 16 May 2013 18:25:15 -0700

I’m starting to feel the same way I did four years ago, not the depression that was eating away at my skin, or the way it was hard to crawl out of bed because my body ached with such sadness that it weighed me down. I’m starting to feel stuck, confused and something I can’t put my finger on yet. I don’t know why I feel so randomly blue or why your presence doesn’t seem to cure that anymore.

May 15, 2013

Wed, 15 May 2013 13:21:25 -0700

I think sometimes you forget that i’m only one person. That just because you can depend on me more than your other children, doesn’t mean you can put everything off on me. Sometimes you’re so overwhelming that I feel like my insides are burning, that I want to scream and feel like i’m so trapped and stuck that i’ll never get out. I’m not a super hero, i’m one person and it’s unfair for you to use things against me.

May 14, 2013

Tue, 14 May 2013 19:15:57 -0700

Sometimes I forget how much someone else’s words can change you, make you stop breathing, completely unravel every single thought you once had. It’s terrifying to know how someone’s life can be changed in an instant by just using words, how much they really impact us and how little we all think about it.

May 13, 2013

Mon, 13 May 2013 16:18:22 -0700

I feel like i’m having a good day, brighter, happier, and calmer. I think i’m feeling especially great today because I miss you and you’ll be home in less than two days, but also because everything in my life seems to be going in a great way.

May 12, 2013

Sun, 12 May 2013 00:42:08 -0700

Happy mother’s day to all the mothers out there, be safe and enjoy it. Make sure to tell your mother’s how special and unique they are, though you should do that everyday.

May 11, 2013

Sat, 11 May 2013 19:47:16 -0700

Do you ever feel like you’re drowning? Like you’ve tied a boulder to your leg, jumped off the plank and sunk to the bottom of the ocean, only to realize you want to live? So you struggle for air, yank at the chain keeping you tied to the boulder and you scream, the water filling your lungs so quickly you feel it burning deep inside of you. That’s how I feel today, I feel as if i’m tied down and drowning. I’m waiting to be saved or to be taken out of my misery.

May 10, 2013

Fri, 10 May 2013 18:50:18 -0700

I spent the day drowning my head in everything that didn’t revolve around you. I did my last of my homework, hung out with my niece and nephews and grew as a person. As I come home with everything whining down, I realize that you’re still hidden in the roots of my rib cage begging for me to feel the pain of you not being here, and it makes me sad because I miss you quite terribly. You’ll be home soon.

May 9, 2013

Thu, 09 May 2013 17:35:00 -0700

Today i’m not in the mood to deal with people’s sarcasm, their unwanted opinions or their know it all attitude. I’m tired, exhausted really, I can’t find where my feelings are today, so i’d rather keep to myself, read and just miss you silently. You’ll be home soon.

May 8, 2013

Wed, 08 May 2013 18:22:41 -0700

I have this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. It doesn’t have to do with me or you, but I think my family. I got some rather different news today about someone of my family, and it’s just weighing me down. I’ve tried to keep my mind busy with school, I’ve just gone through those options rather quickly. Hopefully things get better.

May 7, 2013

Tue, 07 May 2013 20:05:12 -0700

I didn’t think it was possible to feel this complete. I’ve done so much work within the last two days, that I don’t know if I have anymore words to release other than, thank god I am almost done. Though my days are super slow when you’re not apart of them, which leads me to believe that when people say you can’t do things when you’re happy, it could be true.

May 6, 2013

Mon, 06 May 2013 20:15:28 -0700

Today was day one without you. It didn’t hurt as bad as I assumed it would, I didn’t cry or sit around and moped about you not being here. I know you’ll come back in nine days, and i’ll be waiting to kiss your tanned face, your happy grin and tell you how much I’ve missed your presence. Be safe.

May 5, 2013

Sun, 05 May 2013 20:58:27 -0700

I miss you already, come back.